The Question Arises

I am more than certain it would have all worked out if I had not left the country.



That being said, I keep telling myself there is nothing to be done.

I am, naturally, a passive person. I don't like being aggressive. Half the time I don't like being assertive, though I wish I was more so that way. I am reminded that I put up with a lot of people's grief, and let people walk over me because I don't want them to be hurt and because I don't want anyone else to be hurt. I don't but up a struggle, because it seems like the dangerous road.

I am afraid of death sometimes. But above all things, I am afraid of never finding Love. It is the one thing I do best. When someone comes into my life, I throw the walls down, all of them, and let them join the busy city that is me. Its not half draw bridges.

A question has arisen, surfaced, since I've been thinking and talking, and thinking and talking. I know, that I don't have much of a right to ask this, since things are resolved.

There were three people involved in this, and of all of them, only two got to say anything about it before the final decision was made. One was cut out. If you do feel that way, and I know you do, you'd consider that I didn't get to speak or say anything.

I know we said we'd see how things went when we parted, but I had expectations too.

The last thing I want to do is cause more hurt between people. But if you really felt the same, when she came back, after not speaking, after all the rumors flew about, after I was gone, why go back?

Where is the guilt for me?

Of course admitting my fear makes it seem like all this is very desperate, and in a way it is. Wouldn't it be sad to go all one's life with out feeling loved in return? I rarely open up to people.

He is handsome, with his dark curls, and warm smile. He is handsome, tall with wide shoulders and a warmth that is just a part of him. When he held me, I felt like I could share my troubles and fall into a safe place. And the more I knew the more I liked. You can tell, just by his eyes, that he'll listen, that he's seen somethings and that despite it, he will do the best to make things right.

I just miss you and wish you were back to me only.