More than Tricky. 43.

The L word.

I've never said it before. Not until a few days ago.

Ironically it was a year ago, the same day, that I sent off for my visa, determined to make a new life for myself. Determined. My loyalty was unbroken and I sensed there was something inherently wrong with what was going on. I was right. And now I'm here. One year later, nearly.

Its resolved now. Nearly. I have one more stretch and then sweet freedom. And I've said it. The L word.

Its a beautiful word. It holds all the power and beauty of a thousand words. It has the power for world peace and the ending of human, animal and earthly suffering. Yet its power creates a vacuum. I am conscious of its prescience of its two and fro. It rises and falls dramatically. No ease, no subtle movements. The glorious heat of a rising sun, or the cold saddening chill of the moon. Yet not. I've always loved the moon for its chilly beauty. It casts the most glorious light, reflected from the sun. The moon is a face shining with the love it knows is there, though cannot always see it. I need this. I need the feeling the moon has.

I am lucky, some would say if they read my story from the pages of a fiction book. And I am. In the end I will get to explore a feeling no one else has, with a person I've never been more comfortable with in all my life. The only person I've ever shared the L word with. His words to treasure. For his ears and eyes alone I write and whisper it. Such a year.

I want right now, for strength and grace to carry me to the end of this. For the L word, in all its happiness to hold my heart high enough above everything that it won't burn. It won't choke or weep. I want the L word to fill me with happiness.