I've been chewing my lip, so to speak. Building the fortress of my own anxiety. I have so much to be ready for. So much to be excited for. I dig my own hole. Its only out of tiredness, out of frustration. Its been a long year, and though its had the most wonderful moments, there have more hard ones than I can count.
Its near the end. I need to be a stronger person and understand these last few days. These last few days are the final end. The test of a long journey. I said before, that no story is beautiful. Its easy to see it that way from the safety of its pages, but it is savage, heart wrenching. It is the truth. It is the truest way of life. We are people. We are people who love and we are people who are loved. We are the lucky ones.
We are the ones who are put into books. Who love the great loves and be as we are, happy and ourselves.
I have less than three weeks. If I think about it, if I didn't know, I wouldn't be impatient. But I am.
Yet at the same time I'm in this weird limbo. I'm about to start something normal. Something epic. Something that may last the course of my life. Its daunting. Its the idea of achieving something amazing and beautiful. Its about to be normal! It's about to be something I can speak and talk about. Something I can have pride in. Something I can share with others. Someone. I am about to have someone in my life. I'm about to go through things I've only read about.
The last year has proven something to me. Has shown that there is someone out there, worth it. Worth the work and love. That someone out there needed me, someone needed my love, and that my love changed them.
It did. Patience is a virtue, as I have always been taught. Its taught me, and taught others. Trust. Patience and Love. I have these things.
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