2. Raised by Captain America and the Bitter Dual Nature of the Now.

I don't think you are superman. I think you are Captain America. The title is a farce of course. You wish to be superman, indestructible, god like, morally sure of his actions and able to follow through. Captain America suits you better. He is structured with flaws, which he over comes with his kindness and a sort of thoughtfulness that looks out for others around him. He is the man we wish to be, chosen for our morals and not born into something so grand. He made who he was with his heart, for his all that, flaws and all.

Insight, struggle and I understand why you wished for so long to be on your own.

After speaking with you, I feel enlightened, with a touch of insight.

I am fortunate. All my life I have had supportive family and friends, even when I didn't think they were being so, they were always looking out for me and wanting me to be so happy.

You, I feel you've faced something so much harder then I and its your determination to remain good, honest and truthful is what I find so admirable. You are a hero to yourself, more than comic could come up with. The incredibly, you find yourself coming to the truth. Your softness is an admirable quality.

I want you not to worry with me. I just want care and love, to know that you're feelings will be returned.

....

But this is also the last two days, where my heart remains strangled in agony. It was you who used the word once to describe it. I wouldn't be able to do this were it not for you, but how my heart hurts when your not with me. When I can't be with you. Not allowed, hidden pushed and locked away.

I've wanted to cry all evening. I'm so close to the end. Only two sleeps. But it does not change how the now feels, and how much junk I have to pump into my mind to make me stand up right and smile at a stranger. I feel useless, stripped and ugly in these moments. Nothing is right on my body. Nothing is right in my body.

I've been hunted by half a handful of others too, and all I want is to fall back and feel protected, safe with you. I want to say I am not yours to hunt. Leave me be. But I have to find other ways. Lies upon lies. It all tastes stale on my tongue.

Strangled and hidden in a cupboard. I hold every faith in you, but I've been hurting for so long. It will take a bit of time before my cynicism subsides.

I hope the I'll stop feeling sick in the evenings, ill from the stress. I miss you.